The last few days have been rough ones for me. I have been super stressed and overwhelmed, leaving myself with sleepless nights. Which then leads to unproductive days and feeling even more stressed. What a terrible cycle, right?!
The other night I was laying in bed trying to fall asleep and it just wasn't happening. It's about 3am and I pulled out my phone and started scrolling through Facebook. I ended up on my own page, sifting through cherished memories. I came across my old, old blog. The one I kept while living in Texas. I read every. single. entry. I was so honest then. I talked about so many hard times, good times, times when I wanted to better myself and times when I was feeling so grateful. I miss that about blogging. I want to remember my growth process, and I especially want my (future) little boys and girls to be able to read back and know they aren't the only ones who struggle and have hard days.
After reading my posts, I left feeling inspired. I have been wanting to make goals that I could seriously devote myself to since moving here, but hadn't really done anything other than a mental list that kept getting pushed back in my mind. I made some monthly goals, and some long term goals, and I made this list of things I want to be able to check off at the end of every single day. I realized I needed to decide what are the most important things to me and to write those down and make myself accountable.
TODAY DID YOU...
1. Start your day with prayer? On your knees?
2. Devote time to your relationship with your Savior?
3. Record thoughts and feelings in your journal?
4. Take care of your body by feeding it well and getting exercise?
5. Make sure you did something to make Brady's day better? Give him hugs and kisses and tell him how much he means to you?
6. Connect with someone? A Friend, family member?
7. Assess your short and long term goals?
8. Stay positive? Remind yourself who you are and what is to be focused on in this life?
9. Let the Lord work through you?
10. End your day with prayer on your knees?
A lot of these I do already, but will miss days. I want to be work on be constant. Number 8 is probably the biggest for me, because when I am not doing that, I tend neglect everything else on the list. I struggle with this comparison game and feeling like life isn't fair. I get jealous and frustrated when I look as someone else's life and their accomplishments and compare them to my own. In no way will this ever lead to happy feelings. But it is so hard to remember that in the moment.
I feel better this morning. I am going to seriously work on my checklist. I really think that if at the end of the day I can check all 10 things off, there is no way I could be sad or frustrated or anything but grateful for the wonderful life I do have and the amazing people in it.
And now, a ton of really random pictures that make me feel so so happy.